I worked all the steps and had unbelievable improvement. These steps are of my creations received through learning from my family, friends, internet, books, meditation and doctors.
I need to make a check list, just because I am busier now, I let a few things slip away without even a thought. It is too easy to do and the results have me in my bed. I am not hitting rock bottom, I am just feeling confused but the depressed feelings are back physical but not debilitating. My mind is the defect which had me in my bed feeling worthless again.
It is not rock bottom, it is not even major because I know I will do what I need to do to survive. By doing this, I will be filling a big hole, I haven't made a difference in anyone's life in so long. Wouldn't it be cool if I found a deeper meaning in my work than I have already experienced? . I don't know if it is possible, but life seems to hand me surprises giving me greater joy than previously experienced.
Wouldn't it be cool if the rest of all of life, we had better, bigger and deeper joy as the days pass by? Am I feeling this way because of having cut away all my roots? I guess I haven't felt the "real" I belong place in a long time. I almost feel I am acting like I belong and soon I will believe it. When I get all these legal, employment, housing, and financial decisions out of the way, I can finally start sprouting a root or two. I am dangling.....
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