I guess everyone wants to live in the moment, but when the moments are not feeling good, then why live in it?
I could try to answer that question, maybe because if we were truly there in that very moment without negative emotions, then maybe we would want to be there.
How does one escape negative emotions? I am not sure, but if anyone wants to offer suggestions, I am open to hearing and trying anything that works.
I went to Stillwater today to seal the deal....and I did. I met with my new partner and had the best Mexican food since living in Oklahoma previous to moving to St. Louis. St. Louis has the best ever Italian food. Spedini's you should try them. I made some on the grill and fed to the few dinner guests we had, it was delicious for all.
I am seeing the "big" picture where friends are concerned. I don't want to loose my friends, and by accepting this position, I need to call a friend tonight and apologize. Hopefully she can forgive me. I didn't share this week with her, and she is going to think it happened over time, when it actually only happened this week.
I also gained a friend today, so I hope to keep the one I have....1 plus 1 = 2 Two friends, I don't know if I ever had two good friends in my whole life. I knew I was definitely going to accept the positions after having lunch. That friend is golden and I will treat her as such. I don't believe I ever connected so quickly to anyone before. She is smart, beautiful and we have many of the same values.
If that wasn't just the bomb, I drove around the corner to my ex step sons business. I saw a young woman drive up and go inside with the key. I knew it was unlikely I would see my step son. I had not talked with him since the divorce. I had sent a face book message asking if we could be friends.or at least keep up with each other, just after the breakup. He never answered so I took that as a no.
The lady came out of the bathroom as I entered the store. I asked if Jeremy was around. She said no but asked if she could help me. I told her I was Jeremy's ex-step mom. She embraced me and let me know Jeremy needs me in his life...we couldn't stop talking about how wonderful Jeremy is. She told me about Coda, his dog had cancer. More tears....
As I write I am crying just because I can. How lucky can I be? I got lost getting out of town and ended up in a complete circle. I drove by the store and saw Jeremy's truck. We had a real good talk and am hopeful we will get to know each other better since the dynamics with his father is taken away from our connection to one another. I have always loved Jeremy and wish I could treat him as I do my own children Now I have been given this very opportunity. How blessed I am.
Thank you to everyone who offered me positions, listened to my banter, helped me sort through the abyss, including my ex. I love each and every one of you. Just because I love you, doesn't mean I will forsake who I am by living with you.
tonight there is no one I would rather be alone with.....
me
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