The wonderful thing about living with a psychotic mother was, I have some real doozies to tell, but up until now, I kept them secret out of respect for my mother. Funny thing, my mother never kept a secret for me...even after promises.
I can gladly say I can look back and laugh at this one funny time when I didn't know it, but I was pregnant with my daughter.
My son, Marshall was infatuated with Micheal Jackson. He insisted his new preschool teachers call him Micheal. I don't know if he got it from me, but I had been in love with Micheal since high school. I was once caught by a teacher dancing and singing abc in a back room when I was suppose to be elsewhere.
I took a chance when the Victory Tour rolled around and entered the lottery for seats and waited. When I heard, we rejoiced. The trip was on and soon we rolled out of town, my sister, my mother, my son and me.
I recalled checking into the room we all shared and heading off to the Stadium. It was exciting for me, and I hope it was for all. I remember my sister designating a drop off and pick up point, so mom wouldn't have walk so far. Mother took Marshall and stood at that gate until we parked the car. We made note of the landmarks with Mom, so she can remember where she will be standing when we go get the car after the concert was over. Everyone agreed and nodded. We all knew the landmarks.
I remember loving the concert and once Thriller "monsters" were over, Marshall was loving it too. About the concert, Micheal Jackson had a lot of soul and I miss him being in the world.
Mom encouraged me and my sister to rush forward to get the car and she would take her time getting to the designated gate and insures us she knows which one. Lines of cars, but we finally made it to the gate and didn't see mom and Marshall. We waited, but finally we realized she must have gone to the wrong gate. The parking lot was slowly emptying and we made our way around to other gates, but we couldn't find them. In no time, the parking lot was almost empty and we went back to security the second time, crying telling them it must be foul play. Finally making one last round when the stadium lights were being turned off, we see Mom and Marshall, and we get out of the car with our arms wide open, so thankful they were alive and safe. Mother took Marshall by the arm and walked away toward a pay phone.
Confusion sets in, as it always did when we are going to have to keep calm and continue explaining what might have happened so mom wouldn't be so mad. There was never a day in my or my sisters life we did something specifically to hurt mom as she claims we have done. This was one of those times, but regardless, she was very angry. Pleading or explaining just continued playing out the obvious, things were getting out of hand. She wouldn't get in the car, she was waiting for the cab to pick her up and I couldn't take Marshall. I pleaded until the time the cab drove away with my mom and Marshall in tow.
Funny thing is, she was taking a cab to the very place we were all going, the room we were staying in together. I can't remember much after that, I just remember it was a crazy, and very uncomfortable trip. I am sure my sister and I apologized over and over again for whatever perceived crime we had done against her.
We always did what she said, it was easier? We were crazy? We ARE of course scarred of the screaming and threats of suicide, or the constant putting us down for whatever negative label she is sticking to us that day. I was also concerned about my four year old son seeing a display of anger that I knew all too well coming from my own Mother. I kept her secrets back then. Today, her secrets affected me deeply so I may share one or two of the humorous or mild ones.
Mom developed a terrible since of direction back then. Now, I am noticing like mother like daughter, I get lost going to the neighborhood grocery store. I want to blame it on the depression, but I am not so sure.
I have another chance to visit memories of Micheal Jackson at a dance recital tomorrow afternoon. This a smaller venue but worthy of note I will not be pregnant during this performance. I remember the Victory Tour, I had nausea and dizziness. Sinus's were in an uproar too. I visited a doctor who prescribed steroids. I had not a clue I was pregnant and I couldn't believe with the symptoms I was having, a doctor might not have suggested it to me. Regardless, I researched what effects these medicines had on unborn babies. I had already had one baby with a birth defect, and didn't even take tylenol through that pregnancy. The research had me convinced this baby would have a cleft palette...she was born with rosebud lips.
Also, I won't be returning from this performance shell shocked after promising not to tell anyone about the mix up. And just because I can now laugh at this incident does not mean I could contact my mother at this time. Next time I might tell you about the trip to Atlantic City, another doozie..
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