Best day in months.  I am a proud mother of an adorable black little kitty boy.  

Mozart

All right all ready.  I text my daughter this evening "I got the cat, no love here".  She said to give it time.  Laying on my lap all curled in a little ball, my heart just opened up to the magnificence of it all. 

It is not the cure all I suppose, but it might just jump start me into great mental health.  It is a bit hard for me to see "mental health", typed, admitted, stamped and sealed.  It is sad mental health has a connotation of something unknown, someone not the same, someone the family would not want you talking about.  There is no rationality to these and some still believe this way.  Education, could it help?  Maybe, but will it create an environment of acceptance?

Grilled Cheese w/gouda and american cheese.  Grilled in coconut oil topped with tomato pesto, and basil pesto.  I was good to myself today.  Why do I tense up when I read that?  Do I think I don't deserve it?  Of course, I am need of a mental health cleaner upper.  

Tonight, two important things I must make note of:

1.  Be good to yourself

2.  It doesn't take long to love a pet

3.  Go ahead and set your hopes up high?? 

so, wonder if that last statement would be good or bad in my case.  One other time I thought I was cured, is there danger in setting my hopes too high?  Everyone says it takes time.  Does anyone think about it is what we do with that time that matters?  

Sheer will and determination, wouldn't that aid in getting to the cure faster?

I tried writing in a journal.  I did that so much that I got it all out, (at least I thought), but they were negative feelings and thoughts. There was anger, there was sadness, all range of emotion but most of it speaks of me wanting to die.  I did this, and somehow I ended up in a carbon monoxide filled apartment.  Why didn't that kill me.  My mother tried to kill me, why didn't that kill me.  Small intestine ulcerations, this could kill me, and many chances I have taken that could have put my life in danger.  Also I keep having heartbreaks in my relationships.  That is the kicker....hold on Elizabeth, I'm coming....

People use the written word to direct them to the place they want to go.  Goal Setting.

Why do we expect when we write goals, they will be achieved.

Why wouldn't we expect the same true for negative feelings and thoughts like wanting to die.

Do you think some of us may have become depressed because we do write in journals negative thoughts and feelings?  If you want to die, you write it in a journal, don't you think your subconscious mind might give you your wish?

So number one, two, three, four, five, six...how many times does it take for the subconscience mind to acheive it's goal.