Hello World, give me what you've got!

Laying in my bed one hour, on a road trip to St. Louis the next.  The excitement of spontaneous and reckless abandon, was certainly what I needed.  No money, just faith.  I made it, and it turned out the best trip ever.

Church Service for one

The trip wasn't without mishap, tears, anger and panic, but it was also filled with love, peace and laughter.  The best part of the trip, was the closure I felt upon visiting with my ex.  I now see the big picture.  I know why I am not there.  It is not anything he has done period.  It was him being him, and me being whoever I may have been in order to cope. The two didn't blend well.  He is a lovely person and I really hope he finds the peace I have felt.  I hope I continue to hold this peace close to the vest.  

While I was traveling I got two calls about employment.  The world is calling my name.  I wish I knew what my name was, since I am going back to my previous name and won't know when the document is signed until I receive a copy in the mail.  

The past week, I have seen how cognitive therapy can work.  I had an incident meant to put me so low, I should have cracked.  It only took me about 2 hours to regain my confidence.  I did this by writing the offender, answering her rolling eyes and calling me out on something she thought I was wrong about.... well, you don't know your geography.  (I was right, but didn't have the thought of caller her out).  I just laughed politely and agreed with her.  I have never run up against a woman in her own home, so rude and callous.  She is a doctor, and I am....well me. 

By the time the 2 hour letter was written, I had regained all my confidence, chose the battles to pick if given the chance and said adieu to worrying about what other people think.  I do however, have to worry about my little friend whose parent it was.  I now see what abuse he is up against and will continue to work with him to help him change the situation or change his life.

Abuse is a terrible thing, but those of us that allow it contribute to the abuse.  I never want my friend to wait until 58 years old before waking up to this fact..  My goal is to teach him to teach his parents how to treat him by not putting up with abusive behavior with being defensive. He can put up boundaries with kind words and I have practiced this with him.  He uses his own words after the anger dies down a bit.  Being yourself, and being a better yourself, involves some change.  I believe in change and my friend also embraces the theory, but is not over the fear.. He needs to find a safety net, he is only 20 and supported by his parents.

The pray rain journal continues to be a driving force in my life.  As I type, I realize it has been two days since logging my life entries.  I can't let the DMV's and banks get in my way.  It wouldn't be the DMV or banks fault...

I am to blame.  I control my thoughts, I control my emotions, I endure the pain, rejoice at the happiness.  I don't believe I am manic as my friends mom called me.  I am just me and my life is handing me its' calling card.