I have taken more time to reflect upon my life, the kids, the house, the feeling of being consumed with making a relationship work. I realize how lucky I am my children are busy with those beautiful moments near someone they love and not feeling obligated to their mother. I never developed the "no obligation theory" where mother was concerned. Maybe this is why I see the good in my children not feeling responsible to call me. I rejoice the fact I don't have to have them call me. I rejoice when I know they are calling because they want to.
I continue to see my value each day. I discover the reasons I feel the way I feel. I know I am in a vulnerable state and the wrong people could do damage. I realize living the apartment life, you can't just do what you do in a house. You have to get used to the sounds, accept the ones you can't figure out where they are coming from, hear knocking and can't tell if it is your door or another, you have to decide if you are going to even answer the door and if there is a way they can tell you are in here.
I sit here night after beautiful night enjoying my vacation from life. It will end soon. I am slowly entering into a new world. I guess I am doing what I am born to do, and when I go to work, I will be accomplishing more of the same but at a higher level.
When we feel we need to know the answers, the answers will come, but not until we need to know.
(well doesn't that sound wise, but maybe it is not.) but I said it so it must be at least for me.
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