Pray Rain

I'm gonna wash this man right out of my hair....That just popped into my mind.  I took myself to lunch today, ate alone and all was well except a few tears when i thought about my husband and what he may be doing this day.  This is our last anniversary, even though we are not spending it together, we will always be tied to this day.  We had great anniversaries.  It was spring, a time of renewal, a time of love.  We both loved to fish, and that is where you would find us most anniversaries.  I cry we will not be visiting the places I dreamed about visiting with him.  All the good memories are when we were away from the house.  That seemed to be the only time we both let our defenses down to "just be".

Still have the withdrawal buzzing and it was worse before I ate.  It came back with a vengeance when I  tried to do housework this afternoon. I did a lot of light therapy and walked around the block today. 

I have decided to start a new journal.  This is a manifestation journal. 

Learn about the pray rain journal - click here

I pray healthy

 Anyone living with depression and have been raised in a abusive home, this next suggestion is a must read.  I look forward to buying this book.  

There is also a excerpt from this book at this liink

http://www.geftakysassembly.com/Articles/Perspectives/MalignantNarcissism.htm 

  

The time I have spent in my my life trying to please my mother, I now see, it was impossible.  I am 58 years old and I know the time has come to please myself.  In my "pray rain" journal, there will be no "whoaa is me" crap.  At 58, it is surely time to grow up and take responsibility for myself.  I would have liked to be the loving daughter taking care of her parents, but it is impossible.  I am not going to mail the letter I wrote to my mother.  I am getting therapy soon and will not make judgements due to my love I have for my mother and father, or the responsibilities of "being there" for them. 

So I made it through this day with only sadness which is a healthy emotion.  I am starting to feel I can go there without the severe body aches.  Happy Anniversary to me...it will be my very last wedding anniversary EVER.  So, so long married life, and onto the next chapter.  I will now start to pray rain and will keep you updated...just know if you don't hear how horrible things are with me, the pray rain journal is working!  I am starting it tonight, it will be created beautifully.