It can be distracting and I hope they are gone when I interview for jobs the end of this month. I finally had the courage to call and schedule the interviews, but made them later in the month giving me a deadline to get more physically and mentally fit.
My "Holistic Doctor Visit" reminds me of where I am living right smack dab in the middle of the "Bible Belt".
I did not make it back to pick up my EXPENSIVE natural cures. I paid for them and left the office last week because I couldn't stay there any longer feeling like I was getting sicker and sicker by the minute.
I wonder if it was emotional or physical, there is no way to know because emotional pain has been very painful, more than any ailment I have had.
I drove myself in the pouring rain to the doctors office that morning, and of course got lost. Once I called her, she said "How did you get over there?" (I was two blocks from her office) She tried to direct me with too many words, and I felt I must be several miles away. I was on the cell phone driving in the rain and can't process all the description of buildings I would pass on the left on the right then on the left then on the right...I had to stop her banter, it was starting to frustrate me trying to keep up. Finally I spoke up and told her I wasn't processing all of her words since I was driving in the rain. I found my way to her office, but not by the aid of her directions.
By the time I got there, I was on the verge of tears. Hey, I was a depressed woman, she was a holistic doctor, I thought if anyone would understand it would be her. When she handed me the book of paperwork I was to fill out while berating me by telling me what I SHOULD HAVE DONE when I was looking for her address, I was in tears. They were falling from my eyes like a faucet and onto the forms. She walked away with pep in her step saying "BE HAPPY"...
Hey, if I was happy, I wouldn't be here, but I said nothing.
I followed her into her office and since I have performed patient interviews for many years, I knew what to do and expected her to be caring and compassionate. This was not so.
It was evident she wasn't listening to my answers to her questions. She asked me if I believed in God. I told her I did, but wasn't religious, she said...it doesn't matter about that, just as long as you have a close relationship with God. She handed me a few sheets of paper and told me I needed to at the church indicated at 5p.m. on Monday. She gave me a list of what she calls "demons". She said I should circle them if I have ever had any of them in my life. I looked at the sheet, small type front and back, three columns. The ones jumping off the page were Yoga, homosexuality, and face book. I was planning on going to Yoga, I cleared the homosexuality demon but not because I believed being born homosexual was demonic. I was certainly guilty of the sin of face book.
During this time she was running a body scan. It wasn't something I envisioned when she explained it when I made the appointment. My hand was on a large "mouse" like the one you use with your computer. She told me we would be doing a blood work up, and I was suppose to fast. I did fast, and she pricked my finger. I knew that I wouldn't be having a complete blood workup. No problem, I still kept an open mind. That day I felt she was a "hope" I needed for recovery. I was there and would listen to anything.
Once the program ran, she told me how much I was "out of whack". She said the scan measured 76,000 things and I was out of whack on most of them, so she would just treat me on the ones she thought we should start on and went out of the room. I don't think she ever heard I was there for depression.
I waited for what seemed to be an hour inside that office and all I was left with was myself and the SIN list. She came back with a bill for what I needed. The office visit was not listed, so that mean I needed to add $195 to the total. Of course I couldn't add, but the "product only" invoice was nearly 600 dollars!
I started crying and fumbling for my purse that held the money I needed to pay my electric bill. I was expecting money in the mail to pay for this visit and it didn't come in time. My son insisted he would loan it to me, so I got his credit card number. I took out what money I had, tears were falling fast and furious.. I dropped my purse, and part of the money. I told her I had 200 dollars and that I would pay for the visit with my sons credit card. She went to see how much improvement she could give me for that amount of money. I left her with my son's credit card and the 200 dollars (some of that was still laying on the floor) telling her I needed to go outside. When I got to my car I felt so sick and needed to get back to my bed. Crying the way home, I called her and told her I would be back later in the afternoon.
Once I was safely in my bed, I called her again asking if I could get 100 dollars back, she could keep the product and the extra 100 dollars until I got my money in to pay for it. She said there was no return because she already ordered the product. I thought I was picking up my product, well, there were a couple of things she had to order. I started crying, and hung up the phone.
Today she called telling me my product was ready to be picked up. I decided to bite the bullit. The severe withdrawal symptoms had me wanting any help I could get. Maybe this product could help. She told me to pick it up anytime before 5 but she would be with a patient between 2 to 3 o'clock. I got there at 2:55 and noticed a sign on her door that said "in session". I also saw a post it note and it looked to me a patient may have put it there, I thought it read Carl and a phone number.
I waited for 45 minutes. She walked through a hall way and said, well it is a good thing I walked through here, I put a sign on the door telling you to call. You SHOULD HAVE called. I told her I also saw the other sign saying she was "IN SESSION".
I thought I was being respectful of her time with another patient, especially since I came in a little early. Her happy go lucky self shoved the box of product in my hand. I told her I had not received an e-mail she told me she would send explaining the products and how to use them and why I am using them. She looked at me as if I was CRAZY. She had told me this at my initial visit, but I didn't say anything....not wanting to upset myself any further. I was having a good day and wasn't going allow her to take that from me. I took the box and asked her if she knew if anti depressant withdrawals could give me brain damage because of all the shocks I was feeling. She said she didn't know, that I just had to CHOOSE LIFE.
I turned around and went out the door.
I was happy to get out of there. I did not go to church at 5, I did, however, take the detox bath. It must have been doing something because it was so uncomfortable. I felt light headed and could only stay in for 10 for the instructed 30 to 45 minutes because it felt like I was dying. I got out of the bath and almost fainted. I stood in my hallway for about 5 minutes buck naked trying to recover. I made it to the bed, and collapsed. I held real still, not wanting to feel the electrical shock along with the nausea and faintness. I had my water on my night stand, I think was was actually getting dehydrated from all the sweating I did afterwards. At least the product did something, but I don't know if it was good...the verdict is still out. I will keep you posted.
This blog about depression may change course soon, I can feel it.
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