The Flea Circus

When I was a really little girl, probably 4 or 5, my parents took a trip.  We went to Missouri on a vacation.  I will always remember when we did go somewhere, how we traveled mostly down highway 66.  I would feel the wind on my face because we always had the windows down.  I remember the feeling my my cheeks flapping in the wind.  I loved that feeling.

This trip sparked something inside of me and I will never forget..  We went to Jessee James Wax Museum, and I don't remember anything I saw except for one special thing:

A Wedding Party of Fleas

 This wedding party was under magnification of course, and it was so great.  I remember also my favorite all time gift was a wedding doll my mother purchased for me at the Stices grocery store in garden city in Tulsa where we used to live.  It was my treasure.  

This has me thinking this morning how beautiful a life can be.  I feel I was meant to be a bride even though both my marriages are ending in divorce.  This may be the only way I could get it through my head that I am:

• Truly a child of God

  I am loved

  I am worthy of love

  Failure is not what I am experiencing

  It is a new life.

  I am blessed 

  This day I am feeling cured again.  I may decide to declare myself cured for now.  So I AM CURED!  This IS NOT me fooling myself, this is me getting ready to live the best life ever!  There is an advantage to getting old and being free.  
  
  So back to the fleas.  I met a friend when I moved out of my house back in Sept.  He is 20 years old and in need of socialization.  He has Aspergers and his one TRUE passion is insects.  I shared the flea story with him, and he keeps telling me he is going to get the fleas for me.  He says, "Pam, one day you will have your fleas! "
  
  Knowing the dreaded socialization step is coming my way through www.cure-your-depression.com, I decided, why haven't I asked others to help search for my fleas?  How can one person find a wedding party of fleas?  Why not start on facebook, and this is what I did.  
  
  My daughter in wed s(don't like the law) grandmother is a lovely lady.  She is real and I think maybe misunderstood many times by her family.  I think she is such a great person and has many qualities I would like to acquire.  She mentioned to me that she seemed to remember something about a wedding party of fleas and told me to check out Ripleys.  
  
  All my life I have thought about the fleas, I have in the past searched the internet.  I guess in my mind, if you search once, it is not there.  Of course I realize the internet grows more and more each day, and just her mentioning about Ripleys had me on another search. ASTONISHING!  I found an article published 3 hours before about a flea circus loosing their fleas.  I had no idea flea circuses were still around.
  
  My next step will probably be in my e-mail today.  I am not dreading socialization as much because I am now seeing the true beauty of letting others in, even if we don't know them.  
  
  I believe I had some warped thinking.  Friends I had cultivated (which were none) is what I would end up with once you reach a certain age..  I believe one of my blog posts early on talked about this.  Whoa is me, I was probably implying.  Well, now I see that it doesn't matter how long you have been friends or had a connection with someone, all that matters are those you connect with today and tomorrow and the next day and so on.
  
  

                                     

  

  One day I may be a ring leader of the flea circus!

  
   These are not my fleas, but this tells me I am getting closer.  I am so proud to be where I am today.  I know now I have been doing the right thing no matter if it got me in trouble or not.  Trouble, despair, happiness and joy, this is all part of life.  What I am losing is the fear of these things.  What I may be finding is my beloved fleas.
  
  I will be enjoying this beautiful day of rain.  I hope whoever and where ever you are, you will be enjoying it too.